The heart keeps burning
by Song of Stillness
Summary: This is a sequel of sorts to 'Keep the lamp burning.' Haku is no longer immortal and has waited many, many years for Chihiro to return to him. Can love conquer death?


The heart keeps burning

_Author's Note__: A sequel of sorts to 'Keep the lamp burning.' I was asked to write it by one of my reviewers, and I thought why not? I'm not too sure about Japanese terms of endearment and address – so if I've got it wrong, please correct me. Inspired by Sonya Hartnett's 'The Ghost's Child' and a few dear old people who live for the day they will be re-uinted with their loved ones again._

o0o

Every night I light the lamp and wait for her, every night I stoop near the old fire; the flames leaping like dancers against the rusty grill. Every night, I pick up her old yellow cat Yubaba and lug it onto my lap, smoothing down the old, ragged ear. Every night I wait for her and swallow back tears as the years go by and disappear like mist before my eyes. I made a promise, a promise I would come and find her... that first promise I had made to a young girl with sparkling eyes and hair caught up in a ponytail, that promise I had kept. The second promise I had made to an old lady who bid me farewell and calmly, quietly walked out to sea, giving up her body to the waves... But... I cannot go after her, not now... for I have lost my immortality...

I do not quite know how... All I know is that, as the days passed, as I searched for her and was unable to find her, I came back here... to the one place I felt connected with her, the home we had lived in for several blessed, sunshine-filled years. But now, I am mortal, trapped in a cruel and cursed world where I grow older every day... knowing that I may never see her again. And as the time passes, I am aware of the new wrinkles in my hands, the aging spots, my once bright eyes not as good as they used to be. That and the undeniable fact that my body is giving up the fight...

I lean back in my favourite chair and scratch the old, grouchy cat between the ears. "Oh Yubaba... what will I do...?"

My head snaps up as I hear a tentative knock on the old panel door. "Come in..." I call out and the door slides open to allow a slender youth to enter, tugging on the hand of his younger sister. "I am sorry Ojii-san," he says, blushing slightly, "but she _insisted_ on us coming here. She said it was important we see you tonight... I don't know why..." I smile as the boy Nao, rolling his eyes in exasperation tugs his younger sister into the room. She looks in my direction, her bright smile in sharp contrast to her pale, unseeing eyes.

"Haku-san!" she cries out and launches herself into my arms. I laugh and kiss her forehead. "And how are you little one...?"

She nods her head eagerly and grasps around for the edge of the chair, letting herself to the ground. "We went looking for crabs along the beach today, onii-san and I!"

"Really...? That sounds like fun..." I look over her small head and catch Nao's pained expression. Settling the children beside the old, gas heater, I walk into the kitchen to make some tea. The fragrance of jasmine tea fills the small room and I find myself staring at the painted partition on the inner sliding door; the one Chihiro had painted of a tree weighted down by an abundance of pink cherry blossoms. I smile, thinking of what she would say if she saw me now... an old hermit... surrounded by children... I gently touch the faded paint, wondering if she knows what I have come to realise these last few weeks.

_Well, my love... I can't hold on for much longer..._

I don't quite know when I knew... It may have had something to do with the numerous doctors' reports, the severe letters I received when I refused to go anymore... or the medication I refused to take... But I can feel it in my body... and it haunts me like a shadow in the back of my mind... Not that I haven't lived a full life, for my life has been strangely, bizarrely full.

It is as if I've lived two completely different lives. One as a spirit-god, filled with bright colours, vivid memories, cold, crisp mornings, the sweetness of the river, the thrilling yet sometimes frightening reality of the Spirit world, of how it felt to ride the wind, to manipulate the elements...

And yet, even as a mortal, as simple and uncomplicated as it has been, it also has had its beauty. Over the past several years I attracted the attention of the poorer children that lived on the outskirts of the city. I was somewhat of an enigma in the city, which I avoided as much as possible, the city with all of its noise and bright lights and business and pollution. The generation who saw me as a child, as the strange, slender boy with the beautiful eyes who would walk along the beach with Chihiro... has passed away... And then as I grew older and worked in an old second-hand bookstore in town, a lot of young women came by with bright lip-stick smiles and hopeful eyes, all of which I graciously listened to and befriended but who all soon left, seeing I did not have the remotest inkling of matrimony in mind. And still the years passed and I grew older, instead befriending the young children of the slums, some of those who had been abandoned by their parents, abused and neglected emotionally or physically, left to survive on their own. Nao and Kiyomi are two such children.

I am pulled out of my reverie by indistinct chatter and laughing, and shaking my head, I lift the teapot with trembling fingers laced with arthritis and carry the ornamental tray through to the sitting room. Losing my immortality was not so great a loss, but the small things I had taken for granted still catch me from time to time. The aches in my bones, pain multiplied, cold, heat, wind, rain, all intensified, almost unbearably so. And I have been bruised and battered and torn a thousand times over, not physically but _emotionally_. I never thought one could _feel _so much emotion... but now I know differently.

It is a difficult thing to be human...

As I enter into the dim, stuffy room, I smile to see the two huddled figures, their hair softly illuminated by the dancing flames.

"Nao... Kiyomi... come here you two..."

They come towards me eagerly; Kiyomi puts out her hand and reaches out for Yubaba. I put her gently on the girl's lap, and touch the girl's cheek. "I know why you've come little cat, you've come to hear another story haven't you...?"

She nods her head, balancing a china cup in one hand and Yubaba in another. Nao reaches over with a sigh, places her tea-cup gently on the wooden floor and pulls her into his lap, cat and all. They both look up at me with expectant faces and I lean back in my chair, _Chihiro's_ old rocking chair.

"Once there was a mighty and fierce water dragon who was the spirit of the Kohaku River..."

"Ooh... was he a good spirit?" Kiyomi asks with wide-eyed captivation, her little face tilted towards the light, her pale eyes unblinking.

"Yes Kiyomi, he was good and brave and would flow like wind or water from place to place... until one day his river was drained. So, for many days, he wandered the earth in the likeness of a human boy until at last, weary and heart-sore he was accepted as a servant in the Bathhouse of a cunning witch..."

I watch as Kiyomi's eyes widen considerably and she squeezes the unfortunate Yubaba to her chest who sinks her claws into Nao's thigh.

"Yeow! Stupid cat." Nao wriggles to loosen Yubaba's claws, but Kiyomi maintains a strong grip on the poor thing. Looking down at the creature, I smile, thinking that Chihiro could not have named the cat more aptly.

"The witch was a crafty creature and eventually began to bind the lonely river spirit to her by stealing his name and putting him under a spell. At first the boy resisted but soon his face grew pale and his heart cold... But one day a beautiful human girl wandered into the Spirit World and the boy remembered her as the young girl he had rescued who had dropped a shoe in his river many years before. The river spirit helped the girl win back her parents and then she went home. But what the spirit god didn't realise..."

And here I stop, as a mist begins to form behind my glasses. I clear my throat and take a cloth to wipe them, noticing the children looking on in wide-eyed fascination. I sit back, clear my throat and resume.

"...what the spirit god didn't realise... was that the beautiful girl had taken half his heart with her... She had saved his life, you see. She had found out his true name and set him free. He was in love with her and vowed he would find her..."

At this I hear an audible sigh from Kiyomi and an exasperated sigh from Nao. "But by the time he did... she was already old and dying...

They lived together for some time, happily in a little house by the sea... but one day she passed away and he never saw her again..."

Kiyomi sits up indignantly and drops the startled Yubaba who slinks away with a hiss. "But that's not right!"

I smile at the child and touch her cheek. "What's wrong, little cat?"

"They're supposed to love each other and live together forever!"

Nao rolls his eyes, trying to pin down Kiyomi's flailing arms. "No, silly... that would make it _un-real-istic_..." I watch his face harden and I am overcome with a sudden flare of sorrow. I sometimes ache for these children, whose parents don't have time for each other anymore... let alone their two children. They have seen the darkness of the world and suffered for it...

"But..." The girl looks up at me with tear-filled eyes. "They do find each other again, don't they...? Don't they Haku...?"

I look at her and ache inside, seeing my own joyful optimism and youth I once had and lost. "I don't know Kiyomi," I whisper softly. "I don't know..."

The night draws softly around us and we laugh and joke, tea and biscuits in hand and I shudder thinking of the shadows that creep under the door and what this night may hold for me. The children cannot know, they are too young to realise it... but I know. I have known for a while now. But I have promised myself, I will not make this hard for them...

When at last they stand and head for the door, I almost stop them, not wanting to be alone, just yet. I look at their dear faces and sigh. "Goodnight little ones..."

"Goodnight Haku-san..." The girl reaches out to me and hugs me tightly. I place my cheek on her soft head and inhale the scent of summer and flowers thinking of Chihiro. Then she reaches up and pulls me down, skimming her fingers over my mouth, my nose, my eyes, every indent and every wrinkle, as if memorising me.

"Kiyomi..." I hear Nao's embarrassed whisper, but I fight hard to hold back tears.

"Goodbye Ojii-san..." she whispers. And I stare into her blind eyes and cup her small hands to my face, and marvel at the precious gift I have been given in these children.

Then, without a backward glance, she turns and skips gaily out the door with unnerving precision. Nao turns and bows almost awkwardly in the pool of light that floods from the lamp by the window. "Goodnight Ojii-san."

"Wait..." I watch as he turns, uncertain towards me and I reach for Yubaba, who is now purring contentedly on the sofa chair. "Can... can you take Yubaba...?" I look at the boy's bewildered expression and turn away for fear of breaking down in front of him. I put the warm, cuddly creature in the boy's arms. "...give him to your sister... you'll do that won't you? I just don't want her to be alone..."

He nods once but his confusion makes my heart ache. He has seen enough pain in his short lifetime. I reach for his shoulders and bring him into the circle of my arms, Yubaba, a soft warm pillow between us. He won't look up at me; he hides his emotions behind his long fringe.

"Promise me something Nao..."

I watch as he swallows and the tears gather on his eyelashes. "Promise me, you'll look after your sister... promise me you won't come and see me tomorrow morning... promise me..." And as I trail off he looks up almost frightened.

"Why...?" he whispers.

I smile at him sadly and gently squeeze his shoulder. "I am... going on a journey of sorts..."

I can see his eyes pleading, and the unspoken question there, and I long to ease his pain. Instead I say gently, "Never give up hope Nao... don't let the world pull you down. Instead, let your spirit shine brightly. Your sister needs you... this _world_ needs you..." He looks up, tears shining in his eyes and then slips out into the night. I watch as his sister runs towards him and the two heads, touched by the light of the moon disappear into the darkness.

I sigh heavily and lean against the door, a certain relief flooding me. Carefully I tidy the room, putting my glasses back on the small table near the armchair, and once more lighting the lamp. I have lit the lamp every single night for the past seventy-five years... now no more...

I stand by the window that looks out to sea and watch the white moonlight as it touches the waves and glistens like foam on top of the icy, dark water. I wander if I will go the same way she did all those years ago, just walk out to sea... and let the waves carry me away...

Leaning against the window, I lower myself into a chair and touch the little indent of wood where some wax fell years ago and left a scorch mark on the painted wood. I feel all burnt inside like that mark, like I'm peeling away, scratched and torn and utterly exhausted. I long to feel the wind on my face again, to ride in the wake of the storm, to feel the cool rush on the underside of my dragon body. Maybe tonight... _finally_, after all these years...

I don't know how long I sit there at the window but all of a sudden I jolt awake as a gust of icy wind comes blowing through the curtain. The flame on the lamp sputters and dies. I shiver, my heart pounding in my chest. So... _this it then..._ I can hear my breathing; loud and harsh in the cold air and the hair is standing up on my arms. Slowly, I fumble around in the dark and reach for the door handle with trembling hands. I open the door and my heart nearly stops within me.

"Chihiro..." I gasp, trembling.

For there, standing on the front veranda, wavering like a bright flame in the wind is my only love.

Out of everything I had expected... she was the last. "How...?" I whisper, at a total loss for words.

She smiles. "You kept the lamp burning Haku..."

"Yes," I whisper, faintly. "Every day for seventy-five years..." I look into her deep, brown eyes and place a hand over my heart.

_In here..._

She smiles at me, a radiant, shimmering smile that holds the entire world. For a moment I look back into the now cold room and see my old, mortal body asleep in the chair by the window. Wordlessly, she comes to stand beside me and holds out her hand. I accept, putting my own gnarly old hand into her smooth, clear grasp.

And as I step out onto the old veranda she turns, a sudden light in her eyes and then pulls my head down and kisses me. Caught completely off guard I can only hold onto her, while the tears slip freely down my old, weathered cheeks and mingle with hers. When we part for breath I look down at her in amazement, joy coursing through me like a river. Could she possibly still love me... after all this time...?

She takes my hands and places them over her heart. "It is your soul I love _Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi_, and that remains ageless..." I smile, hearing my own words echoed from the past. And then I look down at my hands in amazement as my wrinkles disappear, my hands growing strong and firm under the moonlight, my eye-sight becoming clearer, my face, smoother and I have never felt more young or alive in my life. We hold each other, shyly at first and then more fiercely as if we never want to let each other go again.

She looks at me, eyes bright. "Come..."

"Where are we going?" I ask, stepping towards the edge of the veranda, exhileration coursing through me, our hair intermingling, obsidian and chest-nut brown into the night sky.

"Home."

And for the first time in decades, I feel myself transforming, amazingly, body stream-lined and powerful... She climbs on my back, laughing, and like children we fly across the waves, twisting, spinning, swirling, the stars scattering down across the sky and into the water as the bells announce our return into the spirit world and beyond...


End file.
